Well feeling better at least enough to where I dont get dizzy spurts anymore. But having my aunt and her kids over every day still isnt helping the stress levels. Ahh well gonna find ways to relax.  Ive missed my friends a lot but I know a break from everything is what I really needed to get better. Ive been reading the forums and its the same ole vet vs newbie crap so yeah still in avoid mode its sad because the forums was a past time for me especially during the day but they just are not enjoyable no more.

Ahh well its 2pm here im trying to avoid my overly opinionated aunt and relax and stay in my room.

Well after getting myself all pumped yesterday to raid had a bit of an issue while moving some items. I blacked out, scared my family. I was told that I was severely fatigued, on top of the stress of other issues im going threw im supposed to get some more rest so thats what im going to do. And to be honest haven’t really been playing hardcore since the move. I just need time to adjust to this place more, ive still got a cold as well so yeah its time to rest. I miss my friends but im sure i’ll see you all soon at some point.  Still dont know when or if I will ever return to the forums as a participator. I think reading and leaving comments via pm’s to those I feel are worth doing so would be enough. I just dont find them that interesting or fun to participate in anymore. I hope one day that changes but I know myself also even though I have the Cupcake Muskateer thread I would not be able to stop myself from posting elsewhere. So Im refraining from all parts of the forums and after this latest health scare I think its best I just rest.

So hope you are all having a great weekend and more thoughts to come soon…

I get it.. no seriously I really do. For me My ddo has been a boon simply because its nice to have a blog about gaming and what I like and dislike about this game. But point blank the privacy issues that people are gripping about (and man are they griping) are valid and I hope people in charge take this into account.

Say what you will even I was insulted once by someone who screened Kalari on my ddo and said along the lines that I didnt really have things at her level (20) that were really uber.  That person didnt stop to think that outside my DT shroud I dont really wear raid items all the time on Kalari since as a wizard I have to switch up my spell items. But you know what? I dont have to justify myself to anyone. I have 16 characters I am extremely proud of, they may not all be greensteeled out yet but many of them are in the starts of such or have such.  And even without those I am the kind of player who brings any tool necessary to the mission to succeed. There is a reason even when I go away for weeks on end that I can come back and get into groups, there is a reason people on Sarlona and even some on Thelanis who remember me would run with me in a heart beat. I am a A game player, I play to win and I will use the necessary skills, items and resources to see it done.

Call what I just put bragging I dont care its the truth, I have played this game nearly 3 years I have learned a lot and I have gone from weak fledgling newbie to what I think a decent player. I am in a very good guild who has allowed me to flourish playing the characters and race I enjoy and have guided me into playing races I had never thought to try before.  I love my warforges woot!

On the serious end though to me using my ddo to screen people out is pretty damn lame.  Im sorry I know with limited time myself that winning in a short time frame is satisfying. But coming from a guild who can down most raids drunk, with our families nagging us and with pugs who would make normal people cry anyone who cant get threw normal and hard raids without screening are lame. Call me out say what you want but ive never had a raid fail because a few people were gimps. If anything it just makes the truly hardcore show what we can do to turn a wipe into a pat on the back fest.

So to all of you arguing that myddo is great for flushing noobs, go on enjoy your perfect parties where you freak if something goes wrong, you’ll never know how truly hardcore is till you can take noobs in and still kick a raids ass.

And to those who are upset know that no matter what people say as long as you get satisfaction out of your builds, as long as you contribute to the success of your quests then no one not even someone who thinks their crap dont stink will ever be better then you. Let them screen you with this tool, let them even deny you, the best thing you can do is continue to have fun despite them because they are not uber players outside their own minds and the truly good players the ones who know the game will not screen you out they will take you along may offer tips and pointers but will not shun you because you dont have a million greensteels.

This talk of my ddo has me pumped im looking forward to getting on tonight and killing things, busy day today having things installed in the new house but hopefully i’ll be on tonight and in the mind frame to raid and kick some butt.

more thoughts to come…

But things will look up I know it. I know its affecting my want to game, I wont lie the running about cleaning up the messes made by relatives have drained me. I dont have the same patience or ability to have fun the way I used to and its sad. I told my friends that the move was easy getting down here was but there were things left unfinished in South Carolina and now because of someone vindictive the house was trashed and vandalized and stuff was stolen. Its a mess and I dont know what we are going to do I hope the mortgage company doesnt give us problems on the deal we had with them and it just goes to show that even family can stab you in the back.

So im going to try to relax dont know if im going to play tonight after getting the confirmation of the vandalism I really just want to curl up and not deal with much of anything. So to my buds playing tonight have a little fun for me okay?

More thoughts to come…

Well its been snowing here the last few hours still getting used to this weather. My mother and aunt are heading back up to Bennettsville to get the items we could not get in the first trip here. Ive got to watch the kids and grandma over night right now I just want to curl up under the blankets and drink hot cocoa. Ahh well im gonna try an honest attempt at playing tonight I think Ive been playing half heartedly yesterday made an attempt to finish up the harbor stuff on elite, still got to do the Baudries series and ww on elite on my pally. Probably will solo it all since I can kick back and play some music. I know im still being anti social but im so meh right now still, and I dont want to bring my guild mates down they have been cool about it so far to at least from my perspective. Sometimes I just need to get this out of my system and its easier to play alone when im feeling like this.

Ahh well more thoughts to come soon enough..

Well did not actually get Kahayla a level tonight but did solo her threw stk on hard figured id see if I could do it before trying elite maybe later tonight or tomorrow. Had a family dinner which was ruined by the constant screams of the twins and my aunts constant negativity. Yeah living next to them is just great…sigh. On a good note having a lowbie character to vent with has been helping my mood somewhat though im still feeling disconnected from the game. Friday night I logged on for raid night but tried to do a quick farm of Amrath for boot pieces put me in a mood and I was worn out from babysitting so went to bed early.  Im at the point where im just feeling bleh about high levels period seems pointless to push to 20 to raid or do anything like that since the fun factor has slowly been wanning. I hope leveling my paladin changes this feeling.

Either way hoping you all had a good weekend and more thoughts to come.

Wow wish I can say I miss mixing it up in that place but man the whiners are out in droves. Not only that but the reputation system is once again being brought up. Now instead of a forum clique the new rumors is that its all one guild ganging up and giving neg rep.

Tolero, Tarrant dont you think its time they enabled comments? I know I used to leave posts when I negged someone and it seems like to at least cut down on some of the whining (cause lord knows people hate not being popular and will find another reason to bitch about the system) there should be comments enabled.  I just recently joined another forums for movies I enjoy and their rep system be it positive or negative had a comment section.

I find it funny that people assume everyone who has a lot of rep only posted funny pictures. I think anyone who has read my posts knows im had been very opinionated tried to be helpful in areas I knew about and tend to post how I feel rep be damned. Of course if more people really disagreed with what I had to say I would have had red bars cause trust me my last posts in the forums got dinged with neg rep. So say what you will as many people think my posts are nothing but trouble many more agreed with me.  Its sad though besides reading now and the occasional supportive private message the forums are far easier to look away from. Its the same old same old and just not worth it. And not to sound like a wench but with all the new know it alls who still have no idea how the game really works just not worth it anymore.  Ive played every class in this game, I have knowledge of most if not all the quests Ive helped with collectible drops and other guides with input and information I will help anyone looking for elven builds that are fun and viable, but not in the forums no more. Tired of fighting trolls in there its much more profitable to do it in game.

So got the kids again trying to keep patient the little girl keeps bugging my son he has told her im busy a few times. Her twin is actually being quiet so its weird im sure they will switch up soon. Grandma is actually in bed quiet so im hoping today wont wear me too thin I just want to relax and play and got to try to get boot pieces. I refuse to go broke buying them on the Auction house I was tempted Ive got plat and shroud ingredients, but with all my new builds and a few old ones who still need finished crafted items there is no way im giving up my scales and the like. Bleh the boy just started up its gonna be one of them days..

more thoughts to come.

I love my family but lately they have been really demanding of my time and patience. I think at this point id rather be working full time doing taxes then this. I love my son but ive never been a kid person. Now having 3 during the day and my grandmother who is suffering severe dementia is not helping my own mental health.  I was diagnosed a few years ago with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, with counciling and medication ive been able to live a pretty normal life again. But its rough, I was so used to a faster pace life working in an office traveling making the kind of money I can only think of as a memory now.  The tax services make me enough and I have other supplemental income that helps care for my son and myself so thats not an issue. Its just all the changes.

So what does this have to do with DDO? Well lately I have not really been in the mood to game the way I used to. I dont want to spend my game time bitching to my friends about life. I dont want to play cranky all the time so lately when I get on I grab a hireling and farm for boot pieces (no luck that way :p) Or trying to work on my pally so far soloing with her has been a lot easier then subjecting pugs to my bad mood.   I know ive got to pull out of this funk its just rough, theres so much to get used to here. And I think im going to put out feelers for prospective clients while im here the ones in Bennettsville are all taken care of and ive got a little bit of dough out of my work before the move but im not oppose to making more. But somethings got to give as long as im in a bad mood like this my game play will continue to be affected. Ahh well just glad to have a place to vent.

More thoughts to come…

Been spending the last couple of days farming quests like the weapons shipment in hope to get one or two of the needed boot pieces. thinking of running a solo sins see how I do in there. Ran weapons normal and hard the best drop so far for Nyxy was a Mysterious Bauble, sigh would have been excited if Nyxy wasnt a ranger rogue and I know that my clerics and wizards will have to farm forever to see one in their name. She already has an arrowhead ive gotten the mad lute for Trinaty all I want from that quests is a lousy keepsake or some iron for my troubles. I went threw with a guildie last night before we got pulled up into an elite reaver’s refuge run which was actually fun. We got threw monestary and Kobold before switching up to run Inspired Quarter to help another guildie unlock favored soul. Got real close before we all started to get tired.

Dunno what im going to do though ran weapons shipment three times not really in the mood to ransack that quest not sure if I have the want to run the others either I wish I didnt feel so meh about this but im honestly not a big fan of that raid. If anything I wouldnt care if I set another foot in there. Ive played my casters (ugh I dont know if i’ll ever be able to properly kite ) played my clerics who have had a few no potion runs which is always nice had my bard in there a few times but thats about it. Could bring Nyxy in if I pugged it but not really seeing a point id have to shift her gear around to put in one of the new rings just dont seem like its worth it and I know if I get boot pieces without even having it be blatantly said my clerics would have to be the first choice on who got it or at least one of the bards. So I guess thats why im dragging my feet threw this. I just with the raid interested me more its a challenge which is the only quality I like other then that its just moving to four different one room battles where you fight 1-2 big bosses and hope no one dies then the end fight which I have not experienced yet due to my move which is now even more of a pain in the ass. So yeah dragging my feet ahh well enough venting going to see if I feel up to any more runs if not going to go watch tv.

I think im finally starting to pin point my issue of late. I know ive been distant even in my return to the game, I just havent been in the mood to be my social jesting even while drinking self.  I know I wanted to move to a new town and still love this area I guess I just feel overwhelmed. As much as change was needed I still dont do too well with it im adjusting to so many new things and its got me cranky and irritable so ive been playing solo a lot in game because I dont want to snap at those I enjoy running with. I know they probably get it but still it pains me to ignore guild chat just so I can get the frustration of the day out of my system.

Took on watching my cousin’s twins during the day a long with my son, those two children are making any thoughts of me having more kids in the future something that I may not do now. Seriously they scream and yell and rant and rave and are 3 so its understandable I guess,  but James spoiled me, he has had melt downs sure but they are few and far between, considering he really didnt talk much till he turned 4 and has always been more of a quiet thinker type child I am just unused to the screaming and hollering the talking back and sass of these two. Even he came to me the other night and said “mommy I cant take no more too much noise.” So thats a down side for sure but its one of the few bad things.

Gonna try to gear up for raid night tonight got my booze ready but wont lie not feeling myself im trying though got to go get my ranger ready for the DQ run may run her by herself threw ATDQ really quick on normal so that I can relax before jumping into a group. Or may run Amrath a bit did weapons shipment on normal with her last night the first part was no problem the second I did not do so well darn optional lol beating on the portals while being shot at and having devils pound on her. I broke down and brought a warforge barbarian hireling who was kicking butt and distracting the devils for a bit but alas they finally overwhelmed us both. I could have done it on casual (I hear the drops for ingredients still happen) but my pride wont allow that. I did not gear my ranger up to run things on super easy mode and normal for the first part was not bad at all. And I really didnt need the optional just wanted another mad lute chance for my second bard lol.

Ahh well enough rambling the kids are with their grandmother my kid is with my mom im going to log on and see if I can pull myself out of this down feeling. Wish me luck.